i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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