walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
