Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize