shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude i'm inner monologue high
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
