Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
