id be glad to
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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