Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
