was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
