So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
