eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
