You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
