im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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