if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
