I think scott just propositioned me for sex
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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