I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
