Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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