felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
