Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
