Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
