She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She's the barista slut.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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