I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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