I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
