STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
