i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
