My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize