who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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