Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
