I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
