I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My penis needs a shock collar
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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