my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
