Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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