Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
