i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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