Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
