Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
