So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
