so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
