She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize