soooo we both peed the bed last night...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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