i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
