He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
