Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize