if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Drunk is not a location!
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
