At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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