Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
