Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
