i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
