with your own penis?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
