I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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