it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
