Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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