so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
