these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
