oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
