Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize