Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
