when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
