Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
only if we run a train.
done.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
