I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
