We're facebook friends in real life
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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