i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
