I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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