i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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