take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
