Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
