recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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