i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
