Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize