her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize