i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
