dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
