You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
